The Key To Anger Management

I have spent years helping people work through problems related to anger. I’ve helped stay at home moms, business executives, college students, and retirees. What have I learned? Anger affects everyone!

It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, what type of job you have, or if you’re a male or female. Anger is a universal human experience.

While every person’s story is different, there’s one key to anger that I’ve found applies to every single person. No one can MAKE you angry!

No One Can Make You Angry

The reality is that no one can force you to feel anger. Your emotions can’t be controlled by another person. You’re the only one that has the ability to feel your anger.

As a Denver anger management counselor people often tell me things like “my wife makes me so angry!” or “my family just knows how to push my buttons and make me mad.”

There is one major problem with these types of statements. You’re letting other people control your emotions for you!

A more accurate statement for these types of situations would be “I let my wife make me angry again this week” or “I allowed my family to push my buttons and I lost control of my anger again.”

Taking Responsibility For Your Own Emotions

Taking responsibility for your own emotions is the number one change that will determine if you can improve your anger. 

As a therapist this is the biggest thing I believe determines if a person will improve during anger management counseling.

The people who struggle to change their anger continue to blame others for their problem. You are the only person that can control your anger.

It may feel like everyone else is the problem. You wouldn’t get angry if other people didn’t do things that set you off. You might think that you just need a new job, or you need a new relationship.

Even if you get a new job, there will likely be someone that you don’t always enjoy. No matter what relationship you’re in there’s going to be some conflict.

Don’t Give Other People The Power To Control Your Anger

The reason this idea is so important for anger management is because you’re giving away your power. If you truly believe that everyone else is the problem, you have no control in your own life.

You will spend your whole life feeling powerless and your anger will continue to feel out of your control.

You’re giving away the keys to your own emotions. You’re saying that the random stranger who cuts you off in traffic has the power to determine if you get angry on your way to work tomorrow.

If you truly want control of your own life, you have to realize that you’re giving everyone else the power to control your emotions for you.

Learning To Have Internal Control Of Your Anger

The key is to develop internal control of your life. Right now your external situations are controlling your life. Your partner, your boss, even your kids might have the power to control you. These are all external things.

Internal control means that regardless what happens around you, your anger doesn’t have to surface. You can develop the ability to control your own internal life such as your thoughts and emotions.

This type of empowerment can be life changing. Your anger might feel chaotic and out of control because you don’t have the internal strength that you need yet.

This is where anger management counseling can make in impact. You can learn to understand how you’re letting external things control your life and discover how to develop your own internal strengths. 

If you’re ready to take control of your anger, begin by accepting responsibility for your own emotions and remember that no one can make you angry!